The other day I got a phone call from a buddy of mine down near Smithville. He was mad as could be, but laughing his head off at the same time. It seems he risked his life and limb for a fool’s errand, but like most foolish things, he didn’t realize it until after he’d done it.
He was headed home from his job at the feed mill. He drives a feed truck all over southeastern Oklahoma and western Arkansas. All day while driving the feed truck he’d seen deer. He was trying to get home in time to bow hunt a little before dark.
His foolishness started as he was headed north through the busy Hochatown traffic. Just as he went past the last bit of tourist trap stores he spotted a very large deer antler just off the blacktop in the grass.
He said without thinking at all he slammed on the brakes and threw his truck in reverse. Traffic in Hochatown is as bad as any spot in Tulsa or Dallas almost all day. So, he really didn’t think about what he was doing at all. He wanted that big deer horn.
He backed his truck off the pavement so as it wasn’t on the asphalt at all, but he was worried it might roll over if the road bank was any steeper. As fast as he could he exited his pickup and ran back to where the huge horn lay in the green grass on side of the road.
He said in his mind he thought some city dude hit a monster of a buck and didn’t realize the horns were so sought after. As he approached the horn a few cars honked their horns in disgust at him. It was then he realized he’d been made a fool of. The mighty deer horn was a fake. It was one of those fake horns from Walmart or Bass Pro Shop that is used for rattling. His heart sank, and he hoped he could get his truck back on the road without tearing it up or causing a wreck.
He managed to get his pickup going again and headed home for his evening bow hunt. It was on this final leg of his journey that he called me.
In a way he was philosophical about his ordeal. He said he should have known better than to go in reverse down the highway shoulder against oncoming traffic to pick up a… fake freaking antler. He said he wondered if the deer he shoots in front of his decoy deer feels like that.
The last thing he said was when he picked that up and someone honked the horn at him, he felt like a buck that had just been shot. This sense of urgency that he should have known better gave him the willies.
I didn’t have the heart to ask if he was taking his decoy with him when he got home.
James Lockhart lives near the Kiamichi Mountains. He writes cowboy stories, and fools with cows and horses.
