When a couple goes through a divorce, each parent may have feelings of grief, loss, anger or anxiety. To help suppress those feelings, some people try to stay busy but this can add additional stress.
One of the best medicines for parents experiencing divorce is self-care, said Janis Risley, FCS Educator, OSU Extension who teaches the Co-Parenting for Resilience program in Sequoyah County.
“While self-care may feel selfish or even impossible, it’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your children,” Risley said. “When a parent invests in themselves, it means they’re taking the time to care for themselves. Think of it as depositing money in the bank and earning interest. Each deposit, whether it be for your physical, emotional or mental health, is an investment in yourself.”
It’s important for parents to balance their health. One way to quickly boost your mood is to exercise. Exercise naturally produces positive hormones that can lower stress and anxiety while boosting physical, emotional and mental health. Getting enough quality sleep and eating a well-balanced diet are two more factors that affect health.
Being there for your children is vital, as is socializing with a group of people with shared common interests.
“Expand your social circle and sign up for a class or workshop to learn something new. When times are hard, it can be easy to isolate yourself and become overwhelmed by negative feelings. Being around others with similar interests will do wonders for your emotional health.
Research has shown that meditation is another proven technique to lower anxiety, stress and depression. It also improves physical health. There are several ways in which a person can meditate, including smartphone apps, online videos and other free resources.
Risley also noted the importance of focusing on the positive aspects of your life. Find value and appreciation in the things you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have or have lost. Practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful, cheapest and easiest ways to increase happiness. Gratitude can be found in the most minute moments, and the more a person looks for it, the easier it becomes to recognize. Challenge yourself to find three different things for which to be grateful every day.
Most people don’t think twice about being kind and compassionate to others but remember to treat yourself with the same love and kindness shown to others.
“The ability to truly love another person begins with the ability to truly love yourself,” she said.
Part of self-care is bringing out your inner child with play. If you watch children play, it’s easy to see the joy they’re experiencing. Play brings joy and stress relief and builds connections in relationships. Make a list of things that bring you joy and select one when negative feelings challenge your motivation.
“Parenting is hard work and can bring feelings of joy and accomplishment. Being kind and compassionate to yourself will help you become the best parent possible,” Risley said.
Risley can be contacted at 918-775-49838.
